I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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