Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
