i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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