All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
