there's paper in my vomit.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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