eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
