I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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