I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
