Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
