So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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