i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
