Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i need some magic done to my vagina
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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