2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
