Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
