If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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