Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
