I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
