Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
