Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
