dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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