just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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