this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
