Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
