we're chasing vodka with high fives
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
