Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
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I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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