She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
