He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize