Moan for me like Helen Keller
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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