haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
