So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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