I'm jealous of your bromance
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
