So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
