I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
