thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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