She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
