Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
