So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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