Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
