I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
