Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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