he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
