imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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