yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Your penis caused this!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
