so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
