we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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