How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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