Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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