If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we're so committed to being not committed
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