I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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