yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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