Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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