Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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