how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
