I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
