The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
