Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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