I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
