i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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