yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink