am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i would punch a child for taco bell
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i think my cat just said my name.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.