sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?