In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
