my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.