Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
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How's your threesome situation going?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.